intimacy

is

seeing

you

up close

hair follicles
pimples
bruised bits
and
pixelated parts

i can’t see how you glow
when i walk in a room
when we live in the glow and gloom

just you and i
staring at each other
arms folded

how will you get in now

we ask
silently

while the backs of our heads
blown open
ooze down our shirts

we pretend

we don’t notice.

until we are drenched
and splay forward

why are you leaving me

can we talk about it

i don’t know
i don’t know

can we?

can you tell me you love me?
more than once
in a blue moon

the moon growing bluer
with each passing moment
she holds her breath

i want to say it always
it is the sound of my exhale
ahiloveyouah
expelling breath giving breath
starting anew

it is the sound of my inhale
taking you inside me
passing you around
cushioning all of my organs
and bits
in a thick smoke of
i love you

i love you
is the breath that keeps my
heart oxygenated
i love you is the carbon
dioxide that pollutes this
planet

each tiny exhale at a time
too many people
expelling
and inhaling
but does my i love you make it sweeter?

does it hurt less?
do the trees feel it differently?
will i hurt less when i take my last breath?

if there were less of us
and less i love you’s
we would be better off

it is sad but true
little anonymous love
has long been the cycle of life
killing trees
melting glaciers
the ice caps
the polar bears

sad strange unknown love
between two nameless humans

is the end of the world again
and again

and also

nothing.

i don’t know what you think about before you go to sleep.

the picture is blurry
the lens out of focus
the bridge dangling

but still i hold on
waiting for words you
throw at my feet like monday morning trash
that i send
zinging around
the corners
and crevices
of my body
and brain
and replay for days
like some people replay sex in their minds

but i don’t want to cum,
only to feel what escapes me in your embrace.