anders.

we were soldiers
battling through
a make believe
skirmish on little round top

me, a young corporal,
idealistic,
dying willingly for the cause
every time

soldiering through,
sleeping on the floor of a dirty kitchen
dead mice in slippers

we soldiered through
the Bible Belt
and conservatives

we soldiered through long winters
with poor heat
cold cars at 7:00 am before school.

we soldiered through a father
who didn’t believe in flying
weathering 21 hour car rides
to “relax”
and go on “vacation”.

we soldiered through
our unknown alienation
caused by
still playing dress up
when the world deemed us too old.

we soldiered through
long summers
without air conditioning

capturing lightning bugs
playing flashlight tag

in the soft warmth of summer nights
in the midwest
like invisible arms,
cradling you

and sometimes
escaping to the car
spending hours
driving with
nowhere to go
to find cold air to blow upon our faces

we soldiered through
two coffins
side by side
too far gone to have an open casket

two hearses
two burials
at one time

we soldiered through smallness
and ignorance
“you’re – too – much” – ness

to arrive here
friends in a strange new city

and for me
i will never forget
that night you picked me up
from a country playhouse

we drove in the car
in the pitch blackness
our only light
thousands of lightning bugs
floating through the corn
blinking on and off
flickering like so many earthly stars

And you told me
with such
fragility
in your voice

that you were sad

and i could barely breathe

for
fear of
ruining
it
.